Dude you're fucking up your part of the script. You're supposed to yell a little, then calm down, tease him a little with something like 'of course you do I'm fucking hot as sin' and then agree to try and be chill with it. But stress that you're staying on the couch and Tommy's staying on the bed and just give him fucking time with this because you're from the eighties and there's an epidemic and dudes were demonized for this shit and so many other things.
There is a script here, it isn't being followed, and fuck Tommy's anxious. Like, leg bouncing anxious. Which has the couch vibrating a bit. That's a problem. So Tommy's back up on his feet and over by the fire in a breath. Nudges a small box with a metal stick with a weight on it. A metronome. Best way to stay in a specific frame of speed when he's tense. Sorry about the ticking. He needs the reminder of how fast people are supposed to go. Sixty BMP. Remind him of the length of a second. Sorry about how maddening that's got to be.
"Yeah," he says, finally. "I guess... it took me a while to figure out. But come on man, don't you fucking know how amazing you are? You should have seen you on that board, out in the waves. Looked like Kyle looked when he got a particularly good zinger in. Or David when he had solved some great riddle. Kate when she's in the zone shooting. Lisa when she's painting, though the paintings do end up creepy. Teddy, when he's looking at my brother."
Yes, he had a crush once on his brother's husband. He doesn't talk about it. It's fine.
"You're a fucking piece of art, even if you're a bit cracked and chipped. Like... like the Parthenon. Gorgeous when it was made, worn down by time and assholes and the patriarchy and people acting like they know better than you. But from time to time you really get to see it in its element, to understand what it was and what it could be, and it's breathtaking. And okay, maybe I am stupidly prone to falling for people. It's a whole artifact of not being loved enough as a kid, and putting my whole heart into stuff, and hiding what I need. There's a whole laundry list of shit. But you're... You're you. And I like you. Yeah."
Pacing all the while. Speaking in a cadence that falls well with the ticking of the metronome. Fifteen paces one way, turn, fifteen paces the other, perfectly in time to the sound.
"But like, I'm not trying to leverage the friendship we have into anything. 'Nice Guys' who do that shit to chicks are disgusting, and so are 'Nice Gays'. There's no expectation here. I just... I need it said so you can reject me and either find me disgusting so I get that you're not going to tolerate this friendship, or have you just choose to be a bro and we can just be friends and move on."
Billy knows that it’s demonized. His memories are scarred with it from one night. A night only a handful of people knew about. Billy wanted to keep that hurt to himself more, and he should. People don’t need to know how weak he was against his dad while his friend escaped before anything could happen to him.
Maybe it’s because he’s from the eighties, or because he never really followed one or something, because Billy doesn’t know there’s a script. He knows the physical pain associated with being like this, but also that he could be like that here, in Temba. No one could hurt him. Before he can mention any of it, Tommy is off the couch and a systematic ticking fills the air with Tommy’s voice.
He feels nervous just watching the mutant be nervous in his pacing. Around the time Tommy moves on from talking about how the blond is a chipped masterpiece of artwork and moved into the topic of leverage, he’s back on his feet with the blanket wrapped around his waist.
The distance gets closed as he goes to the fireplace to break the pacing the guy is doing.
"Shut up," Billy finally says.
He takes a deep breath. Billy looks angry but he’s not, it’s just trying to find the words for all of this after waking up from a hellish nightmare is difficult. It’s difficult to wrap his mind around the idea of Tommy liking him as more than a friend.
The blanket pools around his ankles and feet as he lets go and takes Tommy’s face in those hands. "Ever since my God damn birthday, since I looked at you under me on the sand when we were wrestling—" Breathe in, back out. "I haven’t been able to think of anything else. It was all about you, until everything spiraled into me thinking I wasn’t good enough for you to… to like, like that. Gladio told me I needed to tell you and it ended up in a one sided argument and I threw a plate at him."
A slight pause. "…Don’t worry, I missed him."
He breathes deep and put again before continuing. "All I could think about was how I looked at you on the beach and how everything around me shifted. The world only became you, the way you were grinning up at me like a doofus, a doofus who went out of his way to do the best birthday ever."
Another breath and he’s trembling, fighting to get the words out. "I can’t reject you. Not knowing the way you feel pretty much matches up with me, asshole."
Billy comes close, stops his pacing, raises his hands, and Tommy flinches. This is where a lot of guys would hit him. This is where his father would have hit him. This is where... He doesn't even know. It's not easy. But he stays still and Billy's holding him, mirroring how Tommy touched him earlier.
He doesn't know what to do with that. Except to hear some words and fucking laugh.
"Fucking knew that was a moment, man. Looking back I was like 'that was a fucking moment we were having' and then I started thinking about it and thought... Hell. That's why I came to your room on the ship. Because Billy was all up and 'tell him, don't be an idiot' and all of that shit. Pissed at him for telling me to face it."
So apparently they'd both sorta lashed out at someone who cared about them over this.
But he doesn't know where they stand, with all of this. He doesn't.
"You're supposed to be straight, man. Not to enable me."
He is mirroring. It had helped calm him down earlier, so maybe that’ll work for Tommy now. He lets out a breathy, trembling chuckle. "Gladio said I need to tell you, too. That I shouldn’t take away your agency in deciding whether I was worth liking or not."
He couldn’t say the 'L' word. It felt too heavy right now.
His thumbs stroke those cheekbones.
He leans his head down to press their foreheads together. "I…I’m not. I’m like you. Others have guessed it. Gladio, others from Hawkins. I told Max the day she came back because I finally had the balls to do it. I like both. I…"
He could say it. Billy could, but like all the important things he needs to say, they get stuck. It’s always when he needs them the most that he can’t say it. So he uses his hands to tilt Tommy’s face up instead so he can kiss him instead. To let that tell what his voice couldn’t.
There is so much Tommy could say. About the importance of agency in a life bereft of it for so long. About how Max had teased him and called Billy 'sooooo straight'. About how he hates being the last to night things in so many ways. About how he's a terrible choice to make. Making his stupid arguments about age.
Instead he's being kissed. It's not the best, the most intense, the worst. It's just a kiss. And one that he's happy to get. One that has him wrapping his arms around Billy's shoulders and going up, just a little, on his tiptoes to try and meet it more on the level.
It had also been a bonding moment for him and Max. She had told Billy about liking girls and guys so later Billy blurted out that he did too. She deserved to the first one he told, instead of the others who had guessed.
He’s about to pull back, thinking that maybe a kiss was too much and too forward. It had to have been, right? Billy figured it would’ve be accepted so easily, so readily like this, that when Tommy holds him, it’s unexpected.
But it’s a kiss. With a guy. That he initiated. Billy started this. It wasn’t too different from kisses he had before. This one tasted a little… darker wasn’t the right word. How did you describe a guy‘s taste in a kiss? Billy couldn’t. He shifts to try and meet Tommy closer to his level before finally pulling back for air. "Gonna have to get you a little stool, Daisy Dukes."
Tommy groans, his head coming to rest against Billy's chest.
"I am a fucking short king and need to stop falling for guys who are taller than me and going to make jokes," he mumbles. But he doesn't really sound upset by it.
He doesn't feel upset about it at all.
"Tease me too much for my height, Sunshine, and you may find a delay in finding out just how special a date I am."
"Oh shut up. I bet you love it." Billy really feels lighter now. Like one of those threads or even strands of what was maybe barbed wire holding him back had loosened enough for him to start moving again. Neil didn't have power here.
There were people to protect him from Neil here, too, if he ever showed his ugly face here.
He tucks his head on top of Tommy's, knowing the guy can't see the smug smirk. Did this mean they were boyfriends now? Did he actually have a boyfriend?
Holy shit.
"I know how special of a date you are. You think I'm gonna forget how you treated me for my birthday so soon?"
"I do," he says with a sigh. "Of course I do. Guys are fucking hot when they are larger than me in some way. Broader or taller or more muscles."
So yeah, there is definitely physical aspects to his desire. But he should probably...
"Not that I'm in this for your looks. Which are amazing by the way. Stupidly hot and I work with literal gods sometimes back home. Supernaturally pretty people."
So yeah. Hopefully that covers it. He doesn't know. He'd never been good at this.
"There is a whole list of people calling what I did a date. People who kept rolling their eyes when they figured out I liked you. Who told me to just say it. I've been so... scared."
Billy is not going to be good at this because he doesn't realize that the same rules apply here like they do with wooing a girl. Only he doesn't need to woo Tommy.
Tommy is already wooed by him.
His face falls. "My body used to be pretty amazing. I've gotten back to pretty close to where I was before everything bad happened in Hawkins, but my body has some really bad ugly parts now." It's why he didn't change out in the open for Tommy, or why he didn't do communal showers with anyone if they were available.
Billy doesn't want people to see.
"It... kinda was a date. A birthday date. Gladio told me I should tell you, because he's the only one I actually told. I knew I could trust him not to tell." And he had been so scared and vulnerable, leading his hands to throw a plate. He tilts his face into the white hair, feeling like that all over again. Billy lets his hands, still shaking, move to hold Tommy to him.
He was allowed this.
He was allowed to have Tommy like this.
"...we don't have to be scared." Was he saying it for Tommy? Or himself?
The same rules would apply with most guys. Tommy isn't most guys. He's shit at this too, so it's okay for it to be awkward at times. He'll figure it out. They will both figure it out.
"Bullshit. Can't be any part of you that doesn't look amazing," Tommy dismisses immediately. He isn't buying it. He's a literal superhero, nothing this guy has that can be worse than what he's seen. "I'm surprised I haven't heard about it from Noctis then. I mean, those two are joined at the hip or something. But I'm glad he didn't tell anyone. And Tony didn't tell you about me. Or Billy didn't. Or Max didn't. Or Steve."
Though now that he's thinking about the list that exists, he's got this whole new thought and man is the mischief up to eleven here.
"OKay, yes, it was totally a date. I even got you jewelry like a fucking romantic sap or some shit. And my hands were sorta all over you at parts. But I didn't do it for the date. I just wanted you to smile. And... Okay. I'll try not to be scared if you try. I mean, I feel like I've got more to be scared of. Sorta weird for a guy my age to date someone just out of high school."
But he can accept it if it's Billy. Though maybe he should avoid his mischief idea actually. Might make Billy think he is scared. Or ashamed. And he's more ashamed of himself than he'd ever be of Billy.
Neither of them are most guys. Tommy was a speedster and strong. Billy was an asshole who was living on borrowed time. The frown deepens at the denial, but there's no point in ruining the moment they're having right now. "Gladio promised. On his honor as a Amicita and his rank as a Shield."
Because he keeps his promise for Gladio, too.
He pulls back a little and in the light around them, the earring winks some of the light back in a sparkle. "This is me trying. I didn't know if I'd ever get the balls to tell you. I thought about stealing paper from Munson and having someone write out what I wanted to say. Or at least telling you to meet me where we'd be alone. Something like 'meet me in the diner before dawn' or 'I trust you more than I've trusted anyone in a long time'. Turns out the 'go to the diner when you have a nightmare' was the key to it all along."
Billy lifts one of those trembling hands to card through the shock of white hair before starting to hum a song from his era. He leans his forehead against Tommy's again as he remembers, and alters the lyrics just a little bit.
"So many things that I wanna say...You know I like my boys a little bit older..." then he stops and chuckles. "The rest of the song doesn't apply though."
Honor? Shield? What is that bullshit? Tommy looks unimpressed.
"I'd rather you not have nightmares than rely on them to show up in time to drive me up the wall with how close you are and thus make me spill my guts. You've got no clue how much I just wanted to kiss the nightmare away."
Which he still doesn't think is welcome because, well, this is probably all new to Billy. So he's not pushing.
Amazingly enough, Tommy knows the song. Go figure. Though as he's running through the lyrics he's smirking to himself.
"You know, I think it fits me pretty well in some places. Not many place to run when I'm in trouble these days. And I would do anything for you. Think we've both got the hands shaking and minds not making sense going on a lot lately. And I definitely failed at hiding it. Couldn't even make it a month without telling you once I knew."
He could probably come up with better songs, but he thinks that one works for right now.
"Your chocolate is going to get cold. I made that all for you. One handed. I don't do that for anyone."
"You said it yourself earlier. I'm chipped and cracked. The nightmares will always be there. Dark stairwells, fireworks, rats, saunas, showers... it's all there."
And this is all new to him. But he's taken a big step admitting it out loud to the person that he's been thinking about so much for almost a month. A big step in kissing Tommy. He'll probably have nightmares about Neil finding him whenever he falls asleep, but they'll be worth it. At least he keeps holding onto Tommy, enjoying being able to hold another boy because it's okay to do so.
"Because I wouldn't let go of your other hand long enough for you to do it," he points out. One of those hands drifts back down to Tommy's to gently move to hold it. Not like earlier though, not with how his fingers try to find the gaps in Tommy's to hold that way. "Pretty sure I can drink it one handed though."
"Not like I'm not chipped and cracked in my own ways. Small spaces. Doctors. Needles. Dogs."
So many other things too. But they don't need to get into that tonight. Tonight he is comforting Billy. He can seek his own comfort another night.
"It's a really nice hand," Tommy says, happy to let Billy not only steal one of his hands but to lace their fingers together. "Let me stop the metronome and we'll settle down and have our drinks. Sound like a fair plan?"
There's a squeeze as they lace their hands together. The warmth from the speedy guy's hand flows up into him and he pulls the guy just a smidge closer. Because that's the only space left between them. A smidge.
"You'll have to tell me about them," with a tone like there's not exactly room for negotiating. Tommy knew about Billy's bad chips and cracks, it seemed only fair that he gets to know one day. Hopefully Tommy will tell him before Billy experiences them.
"Stop the clock and come sit with me on the couch, Shepherd. And I'm still staying here tonight on the couch at least. Too dark to try and get back to the civic center after all this." And he was too happy to want to put buildings between him and Tommy.
A smidge feels like too much space for what Tommy wants. But sometimes he's got to slow down to someone else's pace.
"I will. But we've already got nightmares to fight tonight. Maybe in day light. With a big open room. Maybe outside."
Where it's easier to dispel his own nightmares. Just... not tonight. Not in this good moment they have.
"Yeah, I wasn't going to let you go," he promises, reaching out with his free hand to stop the noise of the metronome. He doesn't need it now. He's so fucking in this moment. Once that's done he's moving away (what a fucking loss) and pulling Billy toward the couch. "Come on, Sunshine. I slaved over a warmish stove for this."
"We can go to the beach and sit on the hood of the Camaro and talk," he offers. The wind on the beach could carry all those worries away when Tommy voiced them, or so Billy likes to think. "And if you get too upset, I could surf for you so you look at someone good looking and grin again."
Because Tommy liked watching him surf, and Billy liked doing it.
"You better not let me go. Not after what the two of us have been through in just under a month." He grins and follows Tommy to the couch after grabbing the blanket. Once back in his spot (with his feet up again), he throws it over the two of them. "Only you’re allowed to call me that now. Sunshine. I like it." Billy picks up his drink again to take a sip.
"Is that a thing people do? Sit on car hoods? Wouldn't that, like, dent them?"
Tommy Shepherd: man who knows little about cars if he's honest. Can stop one, but other than that...
"You know what? Being honest here? Watching you surf is a treat. I'd do that again, I promise I would. You looked so happy."
And that was rare. They both know it's rare.
AS they reach the couch Tommy sits down, gently tugging Billy with him. And look at Billy, good man, grabbing the blanket right away. Seems like he isn't going to get to massage the guy's feet now, with the hand holding.
"Okay, don't say that out loud to anyone. Because they might call you Sunshine just because. And trust me, my brother is already teasing me for calling you that."
There’s a sweep of his eyes over Tommy and he laughs a little. "You wouldn’t sent it. I won’t even sent it. But she’s already a mess, and still has her winter tarp on because I can’t fix her yet. Gotta find parts."
Another sip.
"Your brother can go—" and he stops. Billy knows what Tommy’s brother means to him, so bad mouthing him isn’t going to be a good look at all. So he doesn’t finish that sentence. "Only I get to call you Daisy Dukes, by the way. So you better not say it so people get the idea that they can call you that either."
There’s a gentle knock of their shoulders and he grins down at Tommy. At his boyfriend.
His boyfriend.
Wait— "So does this mean we’re…we’re boyfriends now?"
Parts. Tommy needs a list of them. Because that's a whole untapped avenue of possible gifts. Just, you know, ask Tony to teach him how to make parts. Guy's gotta love a muscle car, right? Hopefully so.
"Yeah, he probably could. Magically. Go and you know. But I'm not going to suggest it to him. And what if I also promise to only wear those short shorts of mine around you? You want that too?"
The question, though, that gets a nervous smile from him. He hadn't expected to have this conversation tonight. To deal with whatever nerves Billy might have from that term. The nerves Tommy only didn't have these days because of Kyle, and that was a long time ago.
"Yeah man. If that's what you want it to mean. It's what I want it to mean... But only if you do."
Billy could always meet and ask Tony himself at some point. Now that it was warming up, he could get to work on it when the aliens weren’t doing weird shit to them. He’d have to figure out what to trade for said parts, or the teachings to make them.
For now, he drops the subject about Kaplan because Billy doesn’t want to accidentally say something bad and ruin this moment. "Yeah. I like that idea. Kinda like a girl I dated once only wore some kind of dress for me. Gonna have to get you some shorts in red. Or maybe in blue like my car."
He sobers a little when Tommy says it’s what he wants too. He wants to be Billy’s boyfriend. That warms him, but also makes his nerves flutter like they always did when he looked at guys like he wasn’t— no. He was allowed to do it here damn it! He stares down at the mug, hand starting to shake again in Tommy’s fingers.
"I want it too. Even if I’m nervous about it. I told Max… I’m still working through the shit my dad suffocated me with. But I want this as much as I want you, even if I’m scared of a man who can’t get me right now. Or, anymore, if we’re being honest."
Excuse me, are you going to take away your new boyfriend's only idea for gifts? Wow. Rude. But hey, he'll do what Billy wants, though the color suggestions...
"Uh... Yeah, I like you a lot Sunshine, but I get veto power over the shades of red and blue, okay? Because I've got a very color associated family, and if I'm in Billy or Mom's or Vizh's shade of red I'm going to be unhappy. Or Billy's shade of blue. I could probably forgive Magneto's red though. Gramps is pretty solidly cool."
So he's going to have to have careful control over colors. As for the rest... Tommy's free hand comes up to tease a curl away from Billy's face. Because that's the gentle touch he knows he can get away with at this moment. Such soft hair. Fuck he likes it a lot. He was very right, Harrington. Billy's got way better hair. And a better ass. And smile.
"Whatever you want, at your pace, works for me. I know I can be intense for people, and I fall into things quickly. But I've been living every day of my life since I was about fourteen trying to fit in to the pace of the world around me. So, you know, what you want to call it. How you want to do it. Telling who you want to have know about it. Even if it means not telling people for a while. Which, you know, given how poked at we've gotten by people about it, I'm just as happy to pretend we aren't just to annoy them if that's the sort of thing you're down for."
Oh there’ll be plenty of ideas for gifts. Hair products, board wax, there would be plenty of ideas.
He frowns at being vetoed over colors. "My Camaro is a specific shade of blue and Kaplan will have to give it up if he has it. Because technically my car came out first in the seventies." He then looks smug like he won some kind of argument. "I’ve got a dark red shirt back home I really like. Maybe that’ll pass inspection?"
That smug turns into a smile at his hair being toyed with. "You can play with my hair. I’m okay with that. Holding hands. Maybe cuddling." They’d have to test that one a little bit.
He reaches over to stroke his fingers under Tommy’s chin. "We gotta at least tell Max first. She’ll put me in the hospital if she’s not first to know. But I might be slow at this, and I might be shirts sometimes but I wanna be someone good for you, okay? Chips and cracks and all. And your chips and cracks, too."
Like Tommy knows what hair products are good. Look at him. His hair is just naturally glorious.
"And my brother is that shade of blue because that's the color of his magic and he can't change it. Where as he could just magic your car into my shade of green if he wanted to. So let's not start trouble with color measuring contests, okay? We'll figure it out later. Though I bet I'd look fucking amazing in dark red."
He doesn't know. Most of his colors are either in shades of green, or vivid as fuck. Just for how they off set his hair.
Telling Max first? Tommy raises an eyebrow at that.
"I think the better peace offering here is telling them both at the same time. Via text. So we can leave them on read. How about that."
He takes the permission to toy with Billy's hair to heart and reaches out to finally, fucking finally run his fingers through those curls.
"Man, I'm so jealous of your hair. If I grew mine out into curls it'd look stupid. And too much hair is a sight problem for a speedster. Fuck it's just so pretty. Harrington is so wrong, your hair is way better. Bet your hands are too."
They are pretty fingers, okay?
"I have faith that you're really going to aim for good for me. But... But there's gotta be one rule. An absolute one. You can't hit me. Not unless we're sparring or something, if that ever comes up. No hitting without consent. You hit me once, and it's over."
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 04:16 pm (UTC)There is a script here, it isn't being followed, and fuck Tommy's anxious. Like, leg bouncing anxious. Which has the couch vibrating a bit. That's a problem. So Tommy's back up on his feet and over by the fire in a breath. Nudges a small box with a metal stick with a weight on it. A metronome. Best way to stay in a specific frame of speed when he's tense. Sorry about the ticking. He needs the reminder of how fast people are supposed to go. Sixty BMP. Remind him of the length of a second. Sorry about how maddening that's got to be.
"Yeah," he says, finally. "I guess... it took me a while to figure out. But come on man, don't you fucking know how amazing you are? You should have seen you on that board, out in the waves. Looked like Kyle looked when he got a particularly good zinger in. Or David when he had solved some great riddle. Kate when she's in the zone shooting. Lisa when she's painting, though the paintings do end up creepy. Teddy, when he's looking at my brother."
Yes, he had a crush once on his brother's husband. He doesn't talk about it. It's fine.
"You're a fucking piece of art, even if you're a bit cracked and chipped. Like... like the Parthenon. Gorgeous when it was made, worn down by time and assholes and the patriarchy and people acting like they know better than you. But from time to time you really get to see it in its element, to understand what it was and what it could be, and it's breathtaking. And okay, maybe I am stupidly prone to falling for people. It's a whole artifact of not being loved enough as a kid, and putting my whole heart into stuff, and hiding what I need. There's a whole laundry list of shit. But you're... You're you. And I like you. Yeah."
Pacing all the while. Speaking in a cadence that falls well with the ticking of the metronome. Fifteen paces one way, turn, fifteen paces the other, perfectly in time to the sound.
"But like, I'm not trying to leverage the friendship we have into anything. 'Nice Guys' who do that shit to chicks are disgusting, and so are 'Nice Gays'. There's no expectation here. I just... I need it said so you can reject me and either find me disgusting so I get that you're not going to tolerate this friendship, or have you just choose to be a bro and we can just be friends and move on."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 05:45 pm (UTC)Maybe it’s because he’s from the eighties, or because he never really followed one or something, because Billy doesn’t know there’s a script. He knows the physical pain associated with being like this, but also that he could be like that here, in Temba. No one could hurt him. Before he can mention any of it, Tommy is off the couch and a systematic ticking fills the air with Tommy’s voice.
He feels nervous just watching the mutant be nervous in his pacing. Around the time Tommy moves on from talking about how the blond is a chipped masterpiece of artwork and moved into the topic of leverage, he’s back on his feet with the blanket wrapped around his waist.
The distance gets closed as he goes to the fireplace to break the pacing the guy is doing.
"Shut up," Billy finally says.
He takes a deep breath. Billy looks angry but he’s not, it’s just trying to find the words for all of this after waking up from a hellish nightmare is difficult. It’s difficult to wrap his mind around the idea of Tommy liking him as more than a friend.
The blanket pools around his ankles and feet as he lets go and takes Tommy’s face in those hands. "Ever since my God damn birthday, since I looked at you under me on the sand when we were wrestling—" Breathe in, back out. "I haven’t been able to think of anything else. It was all about you, until everything spiraled into me thinking I wasn’t good enough for you to… to like, like that. Gladio told me I needed to tell you and it ended up in a one sided argument and I threw a plate at him."
A slight pause. "…Don’t worry, I missed him."
He breathes deep and put again before continuing. "All I could think about was how I looked at you on the beach and how everything around me shifted. The world only became you, the way you were grinning up at me like a doofus, a doofus who went out of his way to do the best birthday ever."
Another breath and he’s trembling, fighting to get the words out. "I can’t reject you. Not knowing the way you feel pretty much matches up with me, asshole."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 05:50 pm (UTC)He doesn't know what to do with that. Except to hear some words and fucking laugh.
"Fucking knew that was a moment, man. Looking back I was like 'that was a fucking moment we were having' and then I started thinking about it and thought... Hell. That's why I came to your room on the ship. Because Billy was all up and 'tell him, don't be an idiot' and all of that shit. Pissed at him for telling me to face it."
So apparently they'd both sorta lashed out at someone who cared about them over this.
But he doesn't know where they stand, with all of this. He doesn't.
"You're supposed to be straight, man. Not to enable me."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 05:58 pm (UTC)He couldn’t say the 'L' word. It felt too heavy right now.
His thumbs stroke those cheekbones.
He leans his head down to press their foreheads together. "I…I’m not. I’m like you. Others have guessed it. Gladio, others from Hawkins. I told Max the day she came back because I finally had the balls to do it. I like both. I…"
He could say it. Billy could, but like all the important things he needs to say, they get stuck. It’s always when he needs them the most that he can’t say it. So he uses his hands to tilt Tommy’s face up instead so he can kiss him instead. To let that tell what his voice couldn’t.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 06:03 pm (UTC)Instead he's being kissed. It's not the best, the most intense, the worst. It's just a kiss. And one that he's happy to get. One that has him wrapping his arms around Billy's shoulders and going up, just a little, on his tiptoes to try and meet it more on the level.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 08:21 pm (UTC)He’s about to pull back, thinking that maybe a kiss was too much and too forward. It had to have been, right? Billy figured it would’ve be accepted so easily, so readily like this, that when Tommy holds him, it’s unexpected.
But it’s a kiss. With a guy. That he initiated. Billy started this. It wasn’t too different from kisses he had before. This one tasted a little… darker wasn’t the right word. How did you describe a guy‘s taste in a kiss? Billy couldn’t. He shifts to try and meet Tommy closer to his level before finally pulling back for air. "Gonna have to get you a little stool, Daisy Dukes."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 08:54 pm (UTC)"I am a fucking short king and need to stop falling for guys who are taller than me and going to make jokes," he mumbles. But he doesn't really sound upset by it.
He doesn't feel upset about it at all.
"Tease me too much for my height, Sunshine, and you may find a delay in finding out just how special a date I am."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 09:02 pm (UTC)There were people to protect him from Neil here, too, if he ever showed his ugly face here.
He tucks his head on top of Tommy's, knowing the guy can't see the smug smirk. Did this mean they were boyfriends now? Did he actually have a boyfriend?
Holy shit.
"I know how special of a date you are. You think I'm gonna forget how you treated me for my birthday so soon?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 09:30 pm (UTC)So yeah, there is definitely physical aspects to his desire. But he should probably...
"Not that I'm in this for your looks. Which are amazing by the way. Stupidly hot and I work with literal gods sometimes back home. Supernaturally pretty people."
So yeah. Hopefully that covers it. He doesn't know. He'd never been good at this.
"There is a whole list of people calling what I did a date. People who kept rolling their eyes when they figured out I liked you. Who told me to just say it. I've been so... scared."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 09:42 pm (UTC)Tommy is already wooed by him.
His face falls. "My body used to be pretty amazing. I've gotten back to pretty close to where I was before everything bad happened in Hawkins, but my body has some really bad ugly parts now." It's why he didn't change out in the open for Tommy, or why he didn't do communal showers with anyone if they were available.
Billy doesn't want people to see.
"It... kinda was a date. A birthday date. Gladio told me I should tell you, because he's the only one I actually told. I knew I could trust him not to tell." And he had been so scared and vulnerable, leading his hands to throw a plate. He tilts his face into the white hair, feeling like that all over again. Billy lets his hands, still shaking, move to hold Tommy to him.
He was allowed this.
He was allowed to have Tommy like this.
"...we don't have to be scared." Was he saying it for Tommy? Or himself?
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 09:51 pm (UTC)"Bullshit. Can't be any part of you that doesn't look amazing," Tommy dismisses immediately. He isn't buying it. He's a literal superhero, nothing this guy has that can be worse than what he's seen. "I'm surprised I haven't heard about it from Noctis then. I mean, those two are joined at the hip or something. But I'm glad he didn't tell anyone. And Tony didn't tell you about me. Or Billy didn't. Or Max didn't. Or Steve."
Though now that he's thinking about the list that exists, he's got this whole new thought and man is the mischief up to eleven here.
"OKay, yes, it was totally a date. I even got you jewelry like a fucking romantic sap or some shit. And my hands were sorta all over you at parts. But I didn't do it for the date. I just wanted you to smile. And... Okay. I'll try not to be scared if you try. I mean, I feel like I've got more to be scared of. Sorta weird for a guy my age to date someone just out of high school."
But he can accept it if it's Billy. Though maybe he should avoid his mischief idea actually. Might make Billy think he is scared. Or ashamed. And he's more ashamed of himself than he'd ever be of Billy.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 10:58 pm (UTC)Because he keeps his promise for Gladio, too.
He pulls back a little and in the light around them, the earring winks some of the light back in a sparkle. "This is me trying. I didn't know if I'd ever get the balls to tell you. I thought about stealing paper from Munson and having someone write out what I wanted to say. Or at least telling you to meet me where we'd be alone. Something like 'meet me in the diner before dawn' or 'I trust you more than I've trusted anyone in a long time'. Turns out the 'go to the diner when you have a nightmare' was the key to it all along."
Billy lifts one of those trembling hands to card through the shock of white hair before starting to hum a song from his era. He leans his forehead against Tommy's again as he remembers, and alters the lyrics just a little bit.
"So many things that I wanna say...You know I like my boys a little bit older..." then he stops and chuckles. "The rest of the song doesn't apply though."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-27 12:55 am (UTC)"I'd rather you not have nightmares than rely on them to show up in time to drive me up the wall with how close you are and thus make me spill my guts. You've got no clue how much I just wanted to kiss the nightmare away."
Which he still doesn't think is welcome because, well, this is probably all new to Billy. So he's not pushing.
Amazingly enough, Tommy knows the song. Go figure. Though as he's running through the lyrics he's smirking to himself.
"You know, I think it fits me pretty well in some places. Not many place to run when I'm in trouble these days. And I would do anything for you. Think we've both got the hands shaking and minds not making sense going on a lot lately. And I definitely failed at hiding it. Couldn't even make it a month without telling you once I knew."
He could probably come up with better songs, but he thinks that one works for right now.
"Your chocolate is going to get cold. I made that all for you. One handed. I don't do that for anyone."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-27 01:27 am (UTC)And this is all new to him. But he's taken a big step admitting it out loud to the person that he's been thinking about so much for almost a month. A big step in kissing Tommy. He'll probably have nightmares about Neil finding him whenever he falls asleep, but they'll be worth it. At least he keeps holding onto Tommy, enjoying being able to hold another boy because it's okay to do so.
"Because I wouldn't let go of your other hand long enough for you to do it," he points out. One of those hands drifts back down to Tommy's to gently move to hold it. Not like earlier though, not with how his fingers try to find the gaps in Tommy's to hold that way. "Pretty sure I can drink it one handed though."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-27 01:31 am (UTC)So many other things too. But they don't need to get into that tonight. Tonight he is comforting Billy. He can seek his own comfort another night.
"It's a really nice hand," Tommy says, happy to let Billy not only steal one of his hands but to lace their fingers together. "Let me stop the metronome and we'll settle down and have our drinks. Sound like a fair plan?"
I spy with my little eye JENN PEEKING
Date: 2024-04-27 01:47 am (UTC)"You'll have to tell me about them," with a tone like there's not exactly room for negotiating. Tommy knew about Billy's bad chips and cracks, it seemed only fair that he gets to know one day. Hopefully Tommy will tell him before Billy experiences them.
"Stop the clock and come sit with me on the couch, Shepherd. And I'm still staying here tonight on the couch at least. Too dark to try and get back to the civic center after all this." And he was too happy to want to put buildings between him and Tommy.
She called me a tart!
Date: 2024-04-27 01:50 am (UTC)"I will. But we've already got nightmares to fight tonight. Maybe in day light. With a big open room. Maybe outside."
Where it's easier to dispel his own nightmares. Just... not tonight. Not in this good moment they have.
"Yeah, I wasn't going to let you go," he promises, reaching out with his free hand to stop the noise of the metronome. He doesn't need it now. He's so fucking in this moment. Once that's done he's moving away (what a fucking loss) and pulling Billy toward the couch. "Come on, Sunshine. I slaved over a warmish stove for this."
But are you cherry or strawberry?
Date: 2024-04-27 12:59 pm (UTC)Because Tommy liked watching him surf, and Billy liked doing it.
"You better not let me go. Not after what the two of us have been through in just under a month." He grins and follows Tommy to the couch after grabbing the blanket. Once back in his spot (with his feet up again), he throws it over the two of them. "Only you’re allowed to call me that now. Sunshine. I like it." Billy picks up his drink again to take a sip.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-27 01:14 pm (UTC)Tommy Shepherd: man who knows little about cars if he's honest. Can stop one, but other than that...
"You know what? Being honest here? Watching you surf is a treat. I'd do that again, I promise I would. You looked so happy."
And that was rare. They both know it's rare.
AS they reach the couch Tommy sits down, gently tugging Billy with him. And look at Billy, good man, grabbing the blanket right away. Seems like he isn't going to get to massage the guy's feet now, with the hand holding.
"Okay, don't say that out loud to anyone. Because they might call you Sunshine just because. And trust me, my brother is already teasing me for calling you that."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-27 02:35 pm (UTC)Another sip.
"Your brother can go—" and he stops. Billy knows what Tommy’s brother means to him, so bad mouthing him isn’t going to be a good look at all. So he doesn’t finish that sentence. "Only I get to call you Daisy Dukes, by the way. So you better not say it so people get the idea that they can call you that either."
There’s a gentle knock of their shoulders and he grins down at Tommy. At his boyfriend.
His boyfriend.
Wait— "So does this mean we’re…we’re boyfriends now?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-27 02:40 pm (UTC)"Yeah, he probably could. Magically. Go and you know. But I'm not going to suggest it to him. And what if I also promise to only wear those short shorts of mine around you? You want that too?"
The question, though, that gets a nervous smile from him. He hadn't expected to have this conversation tonight. To deal with whatever nerves Billy might have from that term. The nerves Tommy only didn't have these days because of Kyle, and that was a long time ago.
"Yeah man. If that's what you want it to mean. It's what I want it to mean... But only if you do."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-27 03:10 pm (UTC)For now, he drops the subject about Kaplan because Billy doesn’t want to accidentally say something bad and ruin this moment. "Yeah. I like that idea. Kinda like a girl I dated once only wore some kind of dress for me. Gonna have to get you some shorts in red. Or maybe in blue like my car."
He sobers a little when Tommy says it’s what he wants too. He wants to be Billy’s boyfriend. That warms him, but also makes his nerves flutter like they always did when he looked at guys like he wasn’t— no. He was allowed to do it here damn it! He stares down at the mug, hand starting to shake again in Tommy’s fingers.
"I want it too. Even if I’m nervous about it. I told Max… I’m still working through the shit my dad suffocated me with. But I want this as much as I want you, even if I’m scared of a man who can’t get me right now. Or, anymore, if we’re being honest."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-27 03:50 pm (UTC)"Uh... Yeah, I like you a lot Sunshine, but I get veto power over the shades of red and blue, okay? Because I've got a very color associated family, and if I'm in Billy or Mom's or Vizh's shade of red I'm going to be unhappy. Or Billy's shade of blue. I could probably forgive Magneto's red though. Gramps is pretty solidly cool."
So he's going to have to have careful control over colors. As for the rest... Tommy's free hand comes up to tease a curl away from Billy's face. Because that's the gentle touch he knows he can get away with at this moment. Such soft hair. Fuck he likes it a lot. He was very right, Harrington. Billy's got way better hair. And a better ass. And smile.
"Whatever you want, at your pace, works for me. I know I can be intense for people, and I fall into things quickly. But I've been living every day of my life since I was about fourteen trying to fit in to the pace of the world around me. So, you know, what you want to call it. How you want to do it. Telling who you want to have know about it. Even if it means not telling people for a while. Which, you know, given how poked at we've gotten by people about it, I'm just as happy to pretend we aren't just to annoy them if that's the sort of thing you're down for."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-27 05:02 pm (UTC)He frowns at being vetoed over colors. "My Camaro is a specific shade of blue and Kaplan will have to give it up if he has it. Because technically my car came out first in the seventies." He then looks smug like he won some kind of argument. "I’ve got a dark red shirt back home I really like. Maybe that’ll pass inspection?"
That smug turns into a smile at his hair being toyed with. "You can play with my hair. I’m okay with that. Holding hands. Maybe cuddling." They’d have to test that one a little bit.
He reaches over to stroke his fingers under Tommy’s chin. "We gotta at least tell Max first. She’ll put me in the hospital if she’s not first to know. But I might be slow at this, and I might be shirts sometimes but I wanna be someone good for you, okay? Chips and cracks and all. And your chips and cracks, too."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-27 05:57 pm (UTC)"And my brother is that shade of blue because that's the color of his magic and he can't change it. Where as he could just magic your car into my shade of green if he wanted to. So let's not start trouble with color measuring contests, okay? We'll figure it out later. Though I bet I'd look fucking amazing in dark red."
He doesn't know. Most of his colors are either in shades of green, or vivid as fuck. Just for how they off set his hair.
Telling Max first? Tommy raises an eyebrow at that.
"I think the better peace offering here is telling them both at the same time. Via text. So we can leave them on read. How about that."
He takes the permission to toy with Billy's hair to heart and reaches out to finally, fucking finally run his fingers through those curls.
"Man, I'm so jealous of your hair. If I grew mine out into curls it'd look stupid. And too much hair is a sight problem for a speedster. Fuck it's just so pretty. Harrington is so wrong, your hair is way better. Bet your hands are too."
They are pretty fingers, okay?
"I have faith that you're really going to aim for good for me. But... But there's gotta be one rule. An absolute one. You can't hit me. Not unless we're sparring or something, if that ever comes up. No hitting without consent. You hit me once, and it's over."
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