doubled_speed | For Wearingthestars

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For Wearingthestars

I wish I wasn't alone.

The words were whispered from inside the relative safety of the tiny closet in Tommy Shepherd's bedroom in Springfield, New Jersey. Whispered because there was no way that he wanted Frank or Mary, fighting in the living room, shouting and screaming, to hear them.

I wish I wasn't alone.

Repeated as Tommy held his hands out before him in the darkness palms up. He put as much conviction behind them as he put into anything he said starting with those two words. He had found rather quickly that whatever this power of his was, it came more readily when he framed it as a wish.

I wish I wasn't alone.

He repeated a third time. Three times always seemed to be the right amount when it came to willfully using his power. Even now he could see the faint green glow of energy radiating from his hands, trying to catch his words and shape them into whate he was asking for. At school he didn't always need it three times. He could feel the energy building in his gut like a tidal wave and crashing over him when he wished the bullies would leave him alone, or that he'd actually gotten a good grade so Mary wouldn't yell at him, or that the shirt that got torn up and bloody was clean so Frank wouldn't hit him for wasting good clothes.

Now, though, the words didn't seem to catch, and after a moment of held breath, the energy faded back, leaving behind only the briefest flash of sparks and static that he had to shake out of his hands. Apparently even magic, or whatever this was, couldn't help him.

It was a stupid wish, anyway, Tommy realized as he pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. And then, of course, he flinched at the sound of a breaking plate. They were getting bad tonight. He didn't want to be alone, not with them shouting like that. Sometimes it turned into Frank driving off to drink. Sometimes Mary stormed to their room and locked the door, leaving Frank on the couch. The former tended to mean Frank not coming home at all that night, and when he did the next day he smelled like booze and some other woman's perfume. The latter tended to mean Tommy couldn't sneak some breakfast in the kitchen before school, or being caught if he tried and he really didn't want to be on the receiving end of Frank's belt.

“Dammit. All I wanted was someone to talk to.”

He feels the rush of power even as he feels his body go limp and the world go dark around him. It’s a strange mix between a sneeze and passing out. When the sensation passes things are weird. For one thing, he can’t feel his body. There isn’t the cold of his room or the rough drag of his scratchy wool sweater that is too small for him or even the gnawing in his belly. No, there is just the swelling feeling of his magic, a prickly energy across his skin, and this place.

This new place is nicer than his room. There is more space. There are nerdy decorations on the wall. There are no cracks anywhere or dents from fists or broken furniture. He hates seeing how much nicer this place is than his home. But he is more interested in why his magic brought him here. And in the soft green light everything around him seems bathed in. Tommy raises his hand, or maybe just the concept of a hand, and is faced with the scary truth. His whole body is green and transparent. Okay. That is a bit weirder than normal.

Welcome, Tommy Shepherd, to the world of astral projection. And Billy Kaplan? Meet the strange, glowing ghostly boy in your room.

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"Just be quiet. This... could take some focus when I'm not doing it as a straight spell, okay?"

Tommy closes his eyes and focuses on centering his breathing. His heart actually slows down, quite a bit, and then he's pulling with his mind and that swell of force deep inside that he knows is magic. Pulling from himself, and he knows it's working because he can feel that tingle of right, of belonging that he always felt when he touched Billy while projecting himself to the other. But the question, of course, is whether he's managed to pull Billy with him.

"..." He nods, pressing his lips together, watching Tommy in silence before allowing his eyes to fall closed as well.

He's not sure what he's meant to feel or see, if the feeling that starts to come over him is real or imagined, something like a shiver running through him.

"Tommy?" he asks uncertainly.

"I'm going to say this and it's going to sound weird," Tommy says, eyes still closed as he tries to focus on the spell, which he can feel is getting away from him. "Your astral form, or whatever, needs to lose some weight. It's all... shivery. Like energy put into too small of a box."

He's definitely tempted to give up. IT doesn't matter. Even if he does want a moment to enjoy the feeling.

"I'll stop if you need."

That's definitely up there with the weirdest requests he's ever heard, and Billy breathes a small sort of laugh, but nods, trying to figure out how to interpret that. How to be...smaller.

He lets out a breath, trying to let go of some of the weight of thoughts, feeling...calmer...slower than he has in quite a while.

"...Am I doing it?"

Is he doing it? Tommy opens his eyes and yeah, there's definitely a faint blew aura around Billy. Which looks nice. The rest is... dizzying. Tommy's never done this so close to his own body before, so looking down and seeing himself, seeing that he's hovering above himself as light, that's all... a lot.

"Yeah, you're closer," he answers, less with his lips and body and more with this form. That old watery quality of voice that Billy would be used to. "Now just... Push yourself up. Imagine being light as a feather. And when you do, open your eyes. And your senses. Let yourself feel beyond you. Beyond just your body."

His brows scrunch as little as Billy tries to interpret that, but his features soon soften again, nodding and trying to do as he's told. Feel beyond. It's...strange. Not something he's ever tried to imagine before. But...he feels as though it might be working. Lets himself believe it is.

He imagines he's floating away, and when he opens his eyes he gives a surprised laugh that doesn't come from his body, but from himself.

"...Oh wow."

"Yeah, right?"

For a change Billy feels completely real under Tommy's touch like this. It's... interesting.

"Tell me what you feel?"

"I feel..." Billy hesitates, not sure how to describe what he's feeling. "...Whole?" he tries uncertainly, not sure if that makes sense. He's literally apart from his body.

"And now?"

And with that, Tommy let’s go of Billy. Because he has to know.

Oh.

Billy frowns, expression dropping, and he feels a wave of...loss, very nearly snatching the hand back, face twisting with confusion.

"...How did you do that?" he asks, unsure how to describe the sensation.

"Didn't do anything. Just stopped touching you. I think... Vision said that Wanda used pieces of one soul to make her sons."

Follow the logic there. That would mean that they were originally one soul. One whole. And of course it might like to be connected to where it used to be. What it used to be. But they were still independent enough beings through the same magic, and thus could exist without each other. That loss? It's what they live with and only feels so strong when the realize what they don't have, what they've always not had.

"So we're...?" Billy pauses a moment to consider, and reaches to take Tommy's hand again. It feels right. Like it fixes something he never really realized wasn't whole.

He gives a flustered smile. "...We're the same."

The same? Hardly. Billy's fast and Tommy's magic, but they're...

"This is why I asked you the first time. If we might be something. I could feel this."

Billy nods, understanding, even if he can't find the right words for it.

"...This is amazing, Tommy."

It’s nothing, the roll of astral Tommy’s shoulder seems to imply. And he would say something if the sound of Rebecca’s voice saying that they’ve heated up the pie didn’t come through. Oh well. He pushes down on Billy just a little to push him back into his body, and then when hr’s Sure it’s done, dispels his own magic.

The voice of his mother sounds a little strange like this. And Billy resists a little at Tommy's push, but a moment later he's back in his body, blinking in disbelief.

"...did we really do that?"

"How do you think I visited you?" Tommy asks, doing this little whole body shake as he opens his eyes. Man, he's tired now. "I am really not good at that so close. It's really brain messy to be able to see myself."

"You are seriously amazing. That was..." Billy still can't find the words, looking at his fingers and turning them over like he's still not sure he's here.

"...Come on. Let's go eat before Mom starts worrying."

"I didn't get to look up much, but astral projection is supposed to be super basic magic," Tommy shrugs, but he does follow Billy back out.

Billy gives him a brief look. No matter how he tries to compliment him Tommy's ready to shrug it off. As though everything he's done isn't literally world breaking and amazing.

"You really don't give yourself enough credit," he notes.

And then to his mother, "I don't think Teddy's gonna come tomorrow. It's too..." He trails off, sure she understands.

There's no credit to give. No, Tommy knows that he's mostly just trying his best even when he isn't certain that he's doing things right. What he knows he can do is manage electricity. What he knows he can do is fly. That's about it. Everything else is shots in the dock.

"I understand," Rebecca promises Billy as the boys join them. "Tommy, if you're willing to wait a moment, Jeff's grabbing some swabs from his kit. He wants to get those packed up. I'm also going to check to see if we still have that air mattress in the closet for guests."

As though that isn't what most people are doing all the time.

Billy frowns softly. "Can't we just share-?" he starts, before flushing. Maybe he is too old to feel so disappointed by the idea of the two of them sleeping apart.

Rebecca seems... frankly shocked by the very suggestion. Not 'that's weird' shocked, but 'I'm not sure where the suggestion is from' shocked.

"I'm sure Tommy would appreciate having space for himself tonight," she says at last, trying to be tactful.

"Thanks," Tommy answers. Though he's pretty sure he's going to either end up not sleeping, or going with Billy's plan.

Cheeks hot, Billy doesn't argue, nodding faintly. He knows how strange it must seem. Even if they are brothers, they barely know one another. It's the sort of request the twins might make, not a grown teenager.

Definitely not grown teens. They... aren’t going to be normal. Tommy already feels self conscious. In all the worst ways.

“How about you boys have pie,” Rebecca says after a moment. And then Jeff is there with some swabs with tubes on them. Fun.

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