doubled_speed | For Wearingthestars

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For Wearingthestars

I wish I wasn't alone.

The words were whispered from inside the relative safety of the tiny closet in Tommy Shepherd's bedroom in Springfield, New Jersey. Whispered because there was no way that he wanted Frank or Mary, fighting in the living room, shouting and screaming, to hear them.

I wish I wasn't alone.

Repeated as Tommy held his hands out before him in the darkness palms up. He put as much conviction behind them as he put into anything he said starting with those two words. He had found rather quickly that whatever this power of his was, it came more readily when he framed it as a wish.

I wish I wasn't alone.

He repeated a third time. Three times always seemed to be the right amount when it came to willfully using his power. Even now he could see the faint green glow of energy radiating from his hands, trying to catch his words and shape them into whate he was asking for. At school he didn't always need it three times. He could feel the energy building in his gut like a tidal wave and crashing over him when he wished the bullies would leave him alone, or that he'd actually gotten a good grade so Mary wouldn't yell at him, or that the shirt that got torn up and bloody was clean so Frank wouldn't hit him for wasting good clothes.

Now, though, the words didn't seem to catch, and after a moment of held breath, the energy faded back, leaving behind only the briefest flash of sparks and static that he had to shake out of his hands. Apparently even magic, or whatever this was, couldn't help him.

It was a stupid wish, anyway, Tommy realized as he pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. And then, of course, he flinched at the sound of a breaking plate. They were getting bad tonight. He didn't want to be alone, not with them shouting like that. Sometimes it turned into Frank driving off to drink. Sometimes Mary stormed to their room and locked the door, leaving Frank on the couch. The former tended to mean Frank not coming home at all that night, and when he did the next day he smelled like booze and some other woman's perfume. The latter tended to mean Tommy couldn't sneak some breakfast in the kitchen before school, or being caught if he tried and he really didn't want to be on the receiving end of Frank's belt.

“Dammit. All I wanted was someone to talk to.”

He feels the rush of power even as he feels his body go limp and the world go dark around him. It’s a strange mix between a sneeze and passing out. When the sensation passes things are weird. For one thing, he can’t feel his body. There isn’t the cold of his room or the rough drag of his scratchy wool sweater that is too small for him or even the gnawing in his belly. No, there is just the swelling feeling of his magic, a prickly energy across his skin, and this place.

This new place is nicer than his room. There is more space. There are nerdy decorations on the wall. There are no cracks anywhere or dents from fists or broken furniture. He hates seeing how much nicer this place is than his home. But he is more interested in why his magic brought him here. And in the soft green light everything around him seems bathed in. Tommy raises his hand, or maybe just the concept of a hand, and is faced with the scary truth. His whole body is green and transparent. Okay. That is a bit weirder than normal.

Welcome, Tommy Shepherd, to the world of astral projection. And Billy Kaplan? Meet the strange, glowing ghostly boy in your room.

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"...Did you mean to hurt them?" Billy asks finally, rather than insisting immediately that it was an accident.

It's a question people don't ask him, and Tommy's shocked. He looks away from Billy, and at last he shakes his head.

"I was... You had offered to help me find a way to get away from Frank and Mary," Tommy says after a long moment. Not 'mom and dad'. Not 'The Shepherds'. Frank and Mary. A division. "I was in computer lab that day, trying to do some research myself. There's this bully who had been harassing me for years. He made problems. I tried to use my magic to make him back off. It didn't... I don't know, it just didn't work. He grabbed me, he was going to hit me. I tried to knock the blow aside. I got enough of that from Frank. And it just... it just happened. There was just lightning everywhere. I put him in a coma."

He'd felt so guilty that his confession had been shaky and contradictory.

"They called Thor in, to absorb my powers if they went off again. Until they got this collar on me. I couldn't feel any of my power anymore, not my magic. It made me sick for a few days. Literally, couldn't eat without throwing up. Sure, Dan had been at me for years, but I didn't want to hurt him."

His expression twists with anger and worry as Tommy explains, but Billy tries to keep quiet and objective.

Finally, he gives a certain nod. "...They'll understand," he promises, "They won't be mad at you for something like that. You didn't mean to." He moves to grip his hand again. Tommy was clearly sorry for what he'd done, no way his parents would hold it against him.

"Everyone... everyone said I did."

And what if they were right? What if some part of him wanted to hurt those people?

"Only you know what you meant to do. No one else gets to tell you that," Billy reasons calmly.

Can't they, though? They've got shrinks and all that. Tommy just wraps his arms around himself, his eyes glowing green as he shivers.

"I don't want to see Frank and Mary."

Oh. Billy moves to pull Tommy into a reassuring hug. "...I know. I'm sorry. I'll be with you if you have to..."

"They're not going to like seeing you," Tommy warns.

"I'm not especially going to like seeing them, so...the feeling'll be mutual," he offers with a small smile.

"Don't... don't hit Frank. Don't stoop to his level," Tommy whispers, because he doesn't want Billy going to jail.

"...I won't," he promises after a moment, as though it takes him some time to decide. He wants to all ready and he's never even met the man. But it's important to Tommy.

"Thank you," Tommy says, and he can't keep the relief from his voice. "We should... we should eat. And I could use some clothes. Then we can go meet Cap."

"Mm," Billy nods, and glances down at his all ready empty plate with a small laugh. "You eat, I can go find you something to wear. Or I can stay and sit with you?" he offers.

Staying at sitting with him is what Tommy wants. He's been alone so long, he hates being alone. But... He doesn't really think he can protest.

"Nah, go speed off. I'll be right here when you're done in, like, a second."

Billy at least seems to read Tommy's reluctance, even if he doesn't voice it, and he stretches, shrugging as though he's reconsidered. "It'll be easier to pick together. You wanna drink?"

"Juice?" Tommy suggests. That would be nice. And he doesn't have to be alone.

He zips away just long enough to fetch the juice, back before Tommy can really register he's left, and he tries to distract him from what's coming by chatting with him as he eats. They'll be okay. They just have to get through the next few days.

And the next few days will be hell, though not as much hell as this one. After food and changing Tommy opens a portal in the air back to the Avenger's manner, and makes a grab for Billy's hand.

"You ready to face Captain Grumpy?"

He gives a soft chuckle, and nods, taking Tommy's hand and giving it a squeeze.

"I'm going to start a petition for that to be his official name."

"I don't think he'd like it," Tommy admits, before pulling Billy through the portal. That's all he can do.

And just like that, they're in the briefing room. No heroes around, though, just...

"Billy!"

Teddy's up from the table and crossing to embrace his boyfriend.

Probably not, but that only serves to cement Captain Grumpy as the perfect name.

Billy blinks a little with disorientation, and he's almost taken by surprise by Teddy's appearance, though he's quickly moving to hug him tight.

"Teddy!" Oh, he'd missed him. Talking and texting just isn't the same. Holding him feels so much better.

Tommy drops Billy's hand and moves away, frowning. Right. The boyfriend. That Tommy got out so he could save. His replacement in Billy's life. Frustrating.

Teddy, meanwhile hugs Billy to him, arms firmly around him, strong and trying to be warm.

"I should have gone home with you last night. It was so... it's so quiet here."

Smiling easily, Billy feels a sense of relief being back in Teddy's presence, and he combs his fingers through Teddy's hair, lifting his head to press a chaste but reassuring kiss to his lips.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs, "I missed you."

And then he pulls back with a bashful look to Tommy.

"...I don't know if you two got to properly meet with everything that was happening."

Teddy clearly doesn't want to let the hug end, but he does when his boyfriend pulls back, and looks past Billy toward Tommy. And, after a moment, offers his hand out to Tommy. Who hesitates for a moment before shaking it.

"We sorta met with the whole Super Skrull?"

"Yeah," Tommy agrees. "I'm... I don't know how to explain it. They picked me up to save you."

"Yeah," Teddy says awkwardly. "The..."

"It's a long story," Tommy dismisses, looking awkward. "I need to meet with Cap."

Right. Cap. Billy nods, and catching Teddy's fingers to apologize for pulling away so soon. He's still not sure how to balance things with the two of them.

"Do you know where we might find him right now?" he asks.

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