"Two pillows and a blanket then." It does feel like negotiating, but the terms were good, so Billy doesn't argue. He takes a sip of his drink and hums at the tastiness. The mug was held in both hands now, though it felt like his hand was itching to be back in Tommy's.
"Yeah. I can follow behind." It wasn't like he didn't know the way or anything. He just didn't do well with dark stairways. Add that to the mountain of other things that had changed that summer. "You won't go far, right?"
He's slow walking out of the kitchen, frequently looking back over his shoulder. When he gets them to the door to the stairs he opens it and flips a switch to turn the lights on. Then he's gone and back in a blink to turn off the other lights in the place. So yeah, he did go far, but only in space. Not in time.
Not far. Of course it wasn't. They hauled a mattress up there after all. He follows after Tommy, now noticing how his feet hurt from walking across the roads to get here.
To get to Tommy.
It had felt so important to get here.
There's no time for the darkness to creep back in with each click of the lights on. Then in half-a-blink, Tommy is gone and back with the lights on upstairs. Before he starts up the stairs, he grabs the man's hand to hold on as he starts up them. One foot in front of the other to climb each one.
The hand is back in his, and dammit. Tommy had calmed down. His heart had settled. His mind had settled. And now he's holding Billy's hand again, going up the stairs.
Of course it is. It's grounding, it keeps him from being dragged back down where he doesn't want to be right now. He can't let himself go back into Steelworks, so holding the hand is what's going to help.
He glares up at Tommy. "If I wanted to hold the railing, I'd be holding it, Shepherd." There's a quicker step as he tries to hold his own against the stairs.
Yeah, well, Tommy wishes he was holding it. Because hey, the Agrii were taller than he was, by a good bit. And the stairs were larger in proportion. So this was hard. He goes silent as he focuses on doing the stairs with no hands to support himself.
And when they make the top he sighs in relief and reaches around Billy to flip a light on.
It wasn't anything they couldn't handle, or so Billy liked to think. At the top, he relaxes again and waits for the light to flood the space. It's as cozy as he remembers. Billy shuffles further into the room, then starts towards the couch. He doesn't get far, because he's not dropping that hand again.
"Yeah, couch. Couch is fine. Two pillows and a blanket." Maybe he'd be able to sleep through the rest of the night.
It's actually cozier now. Tommy's made some small efforts toward making the place look better. The painting from Vision is up on the wall now, and hanging nearby are a pair of costumes. On one side the silver and green of his hero uniform. On the other what looks to be dark pants, a just short of sheer but billowy shirt, a vest, and a scarf for both belt and around the top, all in shades of green. His bed has a pile of blankets on it now, and a mound of pillows.
Tommy moves to the couch with Billy and puts his drink on one small table. Then he looks at Billy and then down at their joined hands.
Billy holds his drink and takes a seat, fingers barely holding Tommy's at this point as he does so. Once seated, he looks at the new furnishings making the loft into a home. The painting, the mounds of blankets and pillows on the bed, the garments hung up. It's very cozy now, compared to the personality-less room he had in the civic center.
"Okay." So he lets go and pulls his feet up off of the floor and his knees to his chest. Billy sips at the hot chocolate and ignores the burn of heat against the roof of his mouth and against his tongue. "Usually I'd ask more in advance about staying over n' shit. Just... can't be alone. The nightmare woke me up out of the medicine Tae gave me to help me sleep."
"You're always welcome here," Tommy says. He doesn't move quickly, now that there are somewhere safe and well lit. Just strolls over to the bed, picks up a few extra pillows and a blanket, and carries them over.
"I'd offer you pajamas, but you're still dressed for bed. Mind if I make sure your feet are okay?"
He puts the pillows beside Billy and drapes the blanket on his lap.
Bill sets the mug down to take the linens, setting the pillows down next to him while Tommy drapes the blanket over his lap. It’s settling, and smells like that fresh laundry scent he remembers from the pillow fort months ago.
"They’re fine. Just a little walk but I forgot my boots." Because boots weren’t important like getting away from darkness and rats were. Despite what he says, the blanket gets pulled up to reveal them.
They’re dirty from the walk, with bits of rubble embedded in the skin, but aside from a few bloodless scrapes, they seem fine. A bit tender maybe from how they twitch. Or maybe someone’s just ticklish.
"I know we’re best friends but… but why are you doing all this?"
Yeah, it wasn’t the furthest walk, but Tommy was still worried. He gets down on his knees in front of Billy and the couch. Reaches out and takes his feet to start checking them over. Soon he’s gently brushing the rubble out and, ultimately, starts to massage them. Why the fuck not.
“Because I fucking care about you, idiot,” Tommy says with a sigh.
Toes twitch each time a stone or something like it gets brushed out of his feet. At the massage, he starts to pull back, but not because he doesn’t want it, but because—
"Don’t sit down there. Rats. Rats might come up here. Get in the couch." It’s not phrased like a request. Billy starts turning on the couch, intending to sit back against the armrest instead so Tommy can work like he wants.
A small scowl. "Not an idiot. Not used to people caring so much about me."
"If any rats show up I'll catch them and take them to Sh'Ka. Unless they are evil rats. Then I'll blow them up," Tommy reminds him. But since Billy is making room, well, it's for the other guy's sanity. Tommy's own is stress over functional feet. Need good feet to run.
It's a speedster hangup.
But he gets on the couch and takes the foot again to return to the massage.
"I do care about you though. I-"
He cuts himself off. Sighs. Lets Billy's foot go.
"Listen man, I need to say something. And I need you to know I'm saying it to get it out of the way and not because I wanna fuck up or friendship or some shit. And tonight is a shit time to do it all things considered, but it's in my head and I have to. I'm sorry."
In all this light, it’s clear that Billy is doing better compared to when he arrived earlier. He’s less haggard, pale, and rough. There’s color back in his skin, eyes are more attentive, and looks like someone’s mentally home. Even if he is afraid of imaginary rats still.
He picks up his mug and takes a sip while Tommy picks up where he left off with the massage. The groan he makes isn’t clear if it’s from the beverage or the massage.
Then it’s gone - the massage and the touch and now Tommy looks… unhappy? Worried? Billy can’t quite tell. But he listens without interrupting. His hands grip the mug until his knuckles are white.
"It's... Man, I just need you to promise that when I say it you're not going to punch me or something. Just tell me to fuck off with that shit or something, and let us stay friends. I'm fucking amazing at being friends. And my brain, it can let this shit go once I've said it and it's all out there and I'm told to fuck off with it. That's all I need. That's... Yeah."
Billy starts to pale at first, thinking the worst until Tommy continues. Whatever it is, the guy wants them to stay friends. Whatever needed to be said had to be big then. Maybe borderline life changing.
He sits up, then instead puts the mug down so he doesn’t spill the contents, and then sits up properly. "Fine. I promise, whatever, unless it’s something bad like you found my dad and you made friends with him. Or found my mom and didn’t tell me. Then I’m not promising and I will beat the shit out of you next time you don’t have your powers."
There’s a nagging feeling that this wasn’t going to be the case.
"That would be completely fair and I would stand still to let you get your blows in," Tommy promises.
But now he's nervous. There's no foot in his hands, there's nothing to do with his hands. Fuck, this is a shit time for the actual ADHD shit to pop up. But it is. He starts tugging at a fake thread that is pretend sticking out of his pants. Should have changed to pajamas. Fuck, maybe he still should. But no, can't. Okay. Don't. He...
"I could really, really be into a guy like you. Am into a guy like you. Actually into you. I'm sorry. I know it's fucked up and, like, the nightmare of straight guys or some shit. The assumption that someone only got to be your friend because they want in your pants. And it's not like that. I like you for you. And I know my age is fucking weird compared to yours. It's messed up. I'm sorry about that too. So, uh. Sorry. I just... I have to say it because it keeps fucking eating at me and it's driving me up the wall and everyone keeps acting like I'm crazy not to tell you. Literally everyone."
Literally only Tony and his brother, and Steve fucking Harrington. And maybe Max? Who fucking knows. It's enough to be maddening.
Still, he takes a deep breath, still staring at his hands, not willing or able to see Billy's face right now.
"Okay. This is the point where you remind me you're straight, and that shit isn't happening, you maybe kick me in the leg or something, and then we just move on, right? Please? Like, my brain can take that and accept it. It's come up with guys I've liked and been friends with before. Eli just rolled his eyes, told me it wasn't happening, and we're still good. Can it be like that now so I can just... so I can get my head on straight but still have my best friend in this hell hole of a place?"
Whatever Tommy had to tell him, it’s making the speedster nervous. Billy leans forward so he can drink in every word said when the guy starts talking to him. And Billy is silent to let him say his piece so he can find his peace again.
The realization and the weight of what’s being said dawns on him. It shows in his expression as it goes from attentive into stunned.
Tommy likes him? Could be into someone like Billy. That’s what he said. And it’s the truth, it has to be, with the way his friend isn’t looking at him. Tommy wouldn’t lie anyways, not about something like this. There’s a thrill in his chest, a sort of swooping motion his heart seems to do while he absorbs it, even as ropes of doubt strangle it back down.
So all he answers with is, "…you actually like me? Like…like that?" It’s whispered, like some sort of secret Billy himself hadn’t come to terms with yet.
Dude you're fucking up your part of the script. You're supposed to yell a little, then calm down, tease him a little with something like 'of course you do I'm fucking hot as sin' and then agree to try and be chill with it. But stress that you're staying on the couch and Tommy's staying on the bed and just give him fucking time with this because you're from the eighties and there's an epidemic and dudes were demonized for this shit and so many other things.
There is a script here, it isn't being followed, and fuck Tommy's anxious. Like, leg bouncing anxious. Which has the couch vibrating a bit. That's a problem. So Tommy's back up on his feet and over by the fire in a breath. Nudges a small box with a metal stick with a weight on it. A metronome. Best way to stay in a specific frame of speed when he's tense. Sorry about the ticking. He needs the reminder of how fast people are supposed to go. Sixty BMP. Remind him of the length of a second. Sorry about how maddening that's got to be.
"Yeah," he says, finally. "I guess... it took me a while to figure out. But come on man, don't you fucking know how amazing you are? You should have seen you on that board, out in the waves. Looked like Kyle looked when he got a particularly good zinger in. Or David when he had solved some great riddle. Kate when she's in the zone shooting. Lisa when she's painting, though the paintings do end up creepy. Teddy, when he's looking at my brother."
Yes, he had a crush once on his brother's husband. He doesn't talk about it. It's fine.
"You're a fucking piece of art, even if you're a bit cracked and chipped. Like... like the Parthenon. Gorgeous when it was made, worn down by time and assholes and the patriarchy and people acting like they know better than you. But from time to time you really get to see it in its element, to understand what it was and what it could be, and it's breathtaking. And okay, maybe I am stupidly prone to falling for people. It's a whole artifact of not being loved enough as a kid, and putting my whole heart into stuff, and hiding what I need. There's a whole laundry list of shit. But you're... You're you. And I like you. Yeah."
Pacing all the while. Speaking in a cadence that falls well with the ticking of the metronome. Fifteen paces one way, turn, fifteen paces the other, perfectly in time to the sound.
"But like, I'm not trying to leverage the friendship we have into anything. 'Nice Guys' who do that shit to chicks are disgusting, and so are 'Nice Gays'. There's no expectation here. I just... I need it said so you can reject me and either find me disgusting so I get that you're not going to tolerate this friendship, or have you just choose to be a bro and we can just be friends and move on."
Billy knows that it’s demonized. His memories are scarred with it from one night. A night only a handful of people knew about. Billy wanted to keep that hurt to himself more, and he should. People don’t need to know how weak he was against his dad while his friend escaped before anything could happen to him.
Maybe it’s because he’s from the eighties, or because he never really followed one or something, because Billy doesn’t know there’s a script. He knows the physical pain associated with being like this, but also that he could be like that here, in Temba. No one could hurt him. Before he can mention any of it, Tommy is off the couch and a systematic ticking fills the air with Tommy’s voice.
He feels nervous just watching the mutant be nervous in his pacing. Around the time Tommy moves on from talking about how the blond is a chipped masterpiece of artwork and moved into the topic of leverage, he’s back on his feet with the blanket wrapped around his waist.
The distance gets closed as he goes to the fireplace to break the pacing the guy is doing.
"Shut up," Billy finally says.
He takes a deep breath. Billy looks angry but he’s not, it’s just trying to find the words for all of this after waking up from a hellish nightmare is difficult. It’s difficult to wrap his mind around the idea of Tommy liking him as more than a friend.
The blanket pools around his ankles and feet as he lets go and takes Tommy’s face in those hands. "Ever since my God damn birthday, since I looked at you under me on the sand when we were wrestling—" Breathe in, back out. "I haven’t been able to think of anything else. It was all about you, until everything spiraled into me thinking I wasn’t good enough for you to… to like, like that. Gladio told me I needed to tell you and it ended up in a one sided argument and I threw a plate at him."
A slight pause. "…Don’t worry, I missed him."
He breathes deep and put again before continuing. "All I could think about was how I looked at you on the beach and how everything around me shifted. The world only became you, the way you were grinning up at me like a doofus, a doofus who went out of his way to do the best birthday ever."
Another breath and he’s trembling, fighting to get the words out. "I can’t reject you. Not knowing the way you feel pretty much matches up with me, asshole."
Billy comes close, stops his pacing, raises his hands, and Tommy flinches. This is where a lot of guys would hit him. This is where his father would have hit him. This is where... He doesn't even know. It's not easy. But he stays still and Billy's holding him, mirroring how Tommy touched him earlier.
He doesn't know what to do with that. Except to hear some words and fucking laugh.
"Fucking knew that was a moment, man. Looking back I was like 'that was a fucking moment we were having' and then I started thinking about it and thought... Hell. That's why I came to your room on the ship. Because Billy was all up and 'tell him, don't be an idiot' and all of that shit. Pissed at him for telling me to face it."
So apparently they'd both sorta lashed out at someone who cared about them over this.
But he doesn't know where they stand, with all of this. He doesn't.
"You're supposed to be straight, man. Not to enable me."
He is mirroring. It had helped calm him down earlier, so maybe that’ll work for Tommy now. He lets out a breathy, trembling chuckle. "Gladio said I need to tell you, too. That I shouldn’t take away your agency in deciding whether I was worth liking or not."
He couldn’t say the 'L' word. It felt too heavy right now.
His thumbs stroke those cheekbones.
He leans his head down to press their foreheads together. "I…I’m not. I’m like you. Others have guessed it. Gladio, others from Hawkins. I told Max the day she came back because I finally had the balls to do it. I like both. I…"
He could say it. Billy could, but like all the important things he needs to say, they get stuck. It’s always when he needs them the most that he can’t say it. So he uses his hands to tilt Tommy’s face up instead so he can kiss him instead. To let that tell what his voice couldn’t.
There is so much Tommy could say. About the importance of agency in a life bereft of it for so long. About how Max had teased him and called Billy 'sooooo straight'. About how he hates being the last to night things in so many ways. About how he's a terrible choice to make. Making his stupid arguments about age.
Instead he's being kissed. It's not the best, the most intense, the worst. It's just a kiss. And one that he's happy to get. One that has him wrapping his arms around Billy's shoulders and going up, just a little, on his tiptoes to try and meet it more on the level.
It had also been a bonding moment for him and Max. She had told Billy about liking girls and guys so later Billy blurted out that he did too. She deserved to the first one he told, instead of the others who had guessed.
He’s about to pull back, thinking that maybe a kiss was too much and too forward. It had to have been, right? Billy figured it would’ve be accepted so easily, so readily like this, that when Tommy holds him, it’s unexpected.
But it’s a kiss. With a guy. That he initiated. Billy started this. It wasn’t too different from kisses he had before. This one tasted a little… darker wasn’t the right word. How did you describe a guy‘s taste in a kiss? Billy couldn’t. He shifts to try and meet Tommy closer to his level before finally pulling back for air. "Gonna have to get you a little stool, Daisy Dukes."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-25 11:33 pm (UTC)"Yeah. I can follow behind." It wasn't like he didn't know the way or anything. He just didn't do well with dark stairways. Add that to the mountain of other things that had changed that summer. "You won't go far, right?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-25 11:38 pm (UTC)He's slow walking out of the kitchen, frequently looking back over his shoulder. When he gets them to the door to the stairs he opens it and flips a switch to turn the lights on. Then he's gone and back in a blink to turn off the other lights in the place. So yeah, he did go far, but only in space. Not in time.
"Alright, up we go."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-25 11:50 pm (UTC)To get to Tommy.
It had felt so important to get here.
There's no time for the darkness to creep back in with each click of the lights on. Then in half-a-blink, Tommy is gone and back with the lights on upstairs. Before he starts up the stairs, he grabs the man's hand to hold on as he starts up them. One foot in front of the other to climb each one.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-25 11:54 pm (UTC)"You sure you don't need a hand for the railing?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 12:34 am (UTC)He glares up at Tommy. "If I wanted to hold the railing, I'd be holding it, Shepherd." There's a quicker step as he tries to hold his own against the stairs.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 12:38 am (UTC)And when they make the top he sighs in relief and reaches around Billy to flip a light on.
"Couch?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 01:00 am (UTC)"Yeah, couch. Couch is fine. Two pillows and a blanket." Maybe he'd be able to sleep through the rest of the night.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 01:07 am (UTC)Tommy moves to the couch with Billy and puts his drink on one small table. Then he looks at Billy and then down at their joined hands.
"I need to get the pillows and blanket, man."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 01:31 am (UTC)"Okay." So he lets go and pulls his feet up off of the floor and his knees to his chest. Billy sips at the hot chocolate and ignores the burn of heat against the roof of his mouth and against his tongue. "Usually I'd ask more in advance about staying over n' shit. Just... can't be alone. The nightmare woke me up out of the medicine Tae gave me to help me sleep."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 01:33 am (UTC)"I'd offer you pajamas, but you're still dressed for bed. Mind if I make sure your feet are okay?"
He puts the pillows beside Billy and drapes the blanket on his lap.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 12:30 pm (UTC)"They’re fine. Just a little walk but I forgot my boots." Because boots weren’t important like getting away from darkness and rats were. Despite what he says, the blanket gets pulled up to reveal them.
They’re dirty from the walk, with bits of rubble embedded in the skin, but aside from a few bloodless scrapes, they seem fine. A bit tender maybe from how they twitch. Or maybe someone’s just ticklish.
"I know we’re best friends but… but why are you doing all this?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 12:45 pm (UTC)“Because I fucking care about you, idiot,” Tommy says with a sigh.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 02:45 pm (UTC)"Don’t sit down there. Rats. Rats might come up here. Get in the couch." It’s not phrased like a request. Billy starts turning on the couch, intending to sit back against the armrest instead so Tommy can work like he wants.
A small scowl. "Not an idiot. Not used to people caring so much about me."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 02:48 pm (UTC)It's a speedster hangup.
But he gets on the couch and takes the foot again to return to the massage.
"I do care about you though. I-"
He cuts himself off. Sighs. Lets Billy's foot go.
"Listen man, I need to say something. And I need you to know I'm saying it to get it out of the way and not because I wanna fuck up or friendship or some shit. And tonight is a shit time to do it all things considered, but it's in my head and I have to. I'm sorry."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 03:02 pm (UTC)He picks up his mug and takes a sip while Tommy picks up where he left off with the massage. The groan he makes isn’t clear if it’s from the beverage or the massage.
Then it’s gone - the massage and the touch and now Tommy looks… unhappy? Worried? Billy can’t quite tell. But he listens without interrupting. His hands grip the mug until his knuckles are white.
"…what is it?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 03:09 pm (UTC)So now it's Tommy's turn to look... messed up.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 03:42 pm (UTC)He sits up, then instead puts the mug down so he doesn’t spill the contents, and then sits up properly. "Fine. I promise, whatever, unless it’s something bad like you found my dad and you made friends with him. Or found my mom and didn’t tell me. Then I’m not promising and I will beat the shit out of you next time you don’t have your powers."
There’s a nagging feeling that this wasn’t going to be the case.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 03:50 pm (UTC)But now he's nervous. There's no foot in his hands, there's nothing to do with his hands. Fuck, this is a shit time for the actual ADHD shit to pop up. But it is. He starts tugging at a fake thread that is pretend sticking out of his pants. Should have changed to pajamas. Fuck, maybe he still should. But no, can't. Okay. Don't. He...
"I could really, really be into a guy like you. Am into a guy like you. Actually into you. I'm sorry. I know it's fucked up and, like, the nightmare of straight guys or some shit. The assumption that someone only got to be your friend because they want in your pants. And it's not like that. I like you for you. And I know my age is fucking weird compared to yours. It's messed up. I'm sorry about that too. So, uh. Sorry. I just... I have to say it because it keeps fucking eating at me and it's driving me up the wall and everyone keeps acting like I'm crazy not to tell you. Literally everyone."
Literally only Tony and his brother, and Steve fucking Harrington. And maybe Max? Who fucking knows. It's enough to be maddening.
Still, he takes a deep breath, still staring at his hands, not willing or able to see Billy's face right now.
"Okay. This is the point where you remind me you're straight, and that shit isn't happening, you maybe kick me in the leg or something, and then we just move on, right? Please? Like, my brain can take that and accept it. It's come up with guys I've liked and been friends with before. Eli just rolled his eyes, told me it wasn't happening, and we're still good. Can it be like that now so I can just... so I can get my head on straight but still have my best friend in this hell hole of a place?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 04:03 pm (UTC)The realization and the weight of what’s being said dawns on him. It shows in his expression as it goes from attentive into stunned.
Tommy likes him? Could be into someone like Billy. That’s what he said. And it’s the truth, it has to be, with the way his friend isn’t looking at him. Tommy wouldn’t lie anyways, not about something like this. There’s a thrill in his chest, a sort of swooping motion his heart seems to do while he absorbs it, even as ropes of doubt strangle it back down.
So all he answers with is, "…you actually like me? Like…like that?" It’s whispered, like some sort of secret Billy himself hadn’t come to terms with yet.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 04:16 pm (UTC)There is a script here, it isn't being followed, and fuck Tommy's anxious. Like, leg bouncing anxious. Which has the couch vibrating a bit. That's a problem. So Tommy's back up on his feet and over by the fire in a breath. Nudges a small box with a metal stick with a weight on it. A metronome. Best way to stay in a specific frame of speed when he's tense. Sorry about the ticking. He needs the reminder of how fast people are supposed to go. Sixty BMP. Remind him of the length of a second. Sorry about how maddening that's got to be.
"Yeah," he says, finally. "I guess... it took me a while to figure out. But come on man, don't you fucking know how amazing you are? You should have seen you on that board, out in the waves. Looked like Kyle looked when he got a particularly good zinger in. Or David when he had solved some great riddle. Kate when she's in the zone shooting. Lisa when she's painting, though the paintings do end up creepy. Teddy, when he's looking at my brother."
Yes, he had a crush once on his brother's husband. He doesn't talk about it. It's fine.
"You're a fucking piece of art, even if you're a bit cracked and chipped. Like... like the Parthenon. Gorgeous when it was made, worn down by time and assholes and the patriarchy and people acting like they know better than you. But from time to time you really get to see it in its element, to understand what it was and what it could be, and it's breathtaking. And okay, maybe I am stupidly prone to falling for people. It's a whole artifact of not being loved enough as a kid, and putting my whole heart into stuff, and hiding what I need. There's a whole laundry list of shit. But you're... You're you. And I like you. Yeah."
Pacing all the while. Speaking in a cadence that falls well with the ticking of the metronome. Fifteen paces one way, turn, fifteen paces the other, perfectly in time to the sound.
"But like, I'm not trying to leverage the friendship we have into anything. 'Nice Guys' who do that shit to chicks are disgusting, and so are 'Nice Gays'. There's no expectation here. I just... I need it said so you can reject me and either find me disgusting so I get that you're not going to tolerate this friendship, or have you just choose to be a bro and we can just be friends and move on."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 05:45 pm (UTC)Maybe it’s because he’s from the eighties, or because he never really followed one or something, because Billy doesn’t know there’s a script. He knows the physical pain associated with being like this, but also that he could be like that here, in Temba. No one could hurt him. Before he can mention any of it, Tommy is off the couch and a systematic ticking fills the air with Tommy’s voice.
He feels nervous just watching the mutant be nervous in his pacing. Around the time Tommy moves on from talking about how the blond is a chipped masterpiece of artwork and moved into the topic of leverage, he’s back on his feet with the blanket wrapped around his waist.
The distance gets closed as he goes to the fireplace to break the pacing the guy is doing.
"Shut up," Billy finally says.
He takes a deep breath. Billy looks angry but he’s not, it’s just trying to find the words for all of this after waking up from a hellish nightmare is difficult. It’s difficult to wrap his mind around the idea of Tommy liking him as more than a friend.
The blanket pools around his ankles and feet as he lets go and takes Tommy’s face in those hands. "Ever since my God damn birthday, since I looked at you under me on the sand when we were wrestling—" Breathe in, back out. "I haven’t been able to think of anything else. It was all about you, until everything spiraled into me thinking I wasn’t good enough for you to… to like, like that. Gladio told me I needed to tell you and it ended up in a one sided argument and I threw a plate at him."
A slight pause. "…Don’t worry, I missed him."
He breathes deep and put again before continuing. "All I could think about was how I looked at you on the beach and how everything around me shifted. The world only became you, the way you were grinning up at me like a doofus, a doofus who went out of his way to do the best birthday ever."
Another breath and he’s trembling, fighting to get the words out. "I can’t reject you. Not knowing the way you feel pretty much matches up with me, asshole."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 05:50 pm (UTC)He doesn't know what to do with that. Except to hear some words and fucking laugh.
"Fucking knew that was a moment, man. Looking back I was like 'that was a fucking moment we were having' and then I started thinking about it and thought... Hell. That's why I came to your room on the ship. Because Billy was all up and 'tell him, don't be an idiot' and all of that shit. Pissed at him for telling me to face it."
So apparently they'd both sorta lashed out at someone who cared about them over this.
But he doesn't know where they stand, with all of this. He doesn't.
"You're supposed to be straight, man. Not to enable me."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 05:58 pm (UTC)He couldn’t say the 'L' word. It felt too heavy right now.
His thumbs stroke those cheekbones.
He leans his head down to press their foreheads together. "I…I’m not. I’m like you. Others have guessed it. Gladio, others from Hawkins. I told Max the day she came back because I finally had the balls to do it. I like both. I…"
He could say it. Billy could, but like all the important things he needs to say, they get stuck. It’s always when he needs them the most that he can’t say it. So he uses his hands to tilt Tommy’s face up instead so he can kiss him instead. To let that tell what his voice couldn’t.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 06:03 pm (UTC)Instead he's being kissed. It's not the best, the most intense, the worst. It's just a kiss. And one that he's happy to get. One that has him wrapping his arms around Billy's shoulders and going up, just a little, on his tiptoes to try and meet it more on the level.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-04-26 08:21 pm (UTC)He’s about to pull back, thinking that maybe a kiss was too much and too forward. It had to have been, right? Billy figured it would’ve be accepted so easily, so readily like this, that when Tommy holds him, it’s unexpected.
But it’s a kiss. With a guy. That he initiated. Billy started this. It wasn’t too different from kisses he had before. This one tasted a little… darker wasn’t the right word. How did you describe a guy‘s taste in a kiss? Billy couldn’t. He shifts to try and meet Tommy closer to his level before finally pulling back for air. "Gonna have to get you a little stool, Daisy Dukes."
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:I spy with my little eye JENN PEEKING
From:She called me a tart!
From:But are you cherry or strawberry?
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: