doubled_speed | For Wearingthestars

I wish I wasn't alone.

The words were whispered from inside the relative safety of the tiny closet in Tommy Shepherd's bedroom in Springfield, New Jersey. Whispered because there was no way that he wanted Frank or Mary, fighting in the living room, shouting and screaming, to hear them.

I wish I wasn't alone.

Repeated as Tommy held his hands out before him in the darkness palms up. He put as much conviction behind them as he put into anything he said starting with those two words. He had found rather quickly that whatever this power of his was, it came more readily when he framed it as a wish.

I wish I wasn't alone.

He repeated a third time. Three times always seemed to be the right amount when it came to willfully using his power. Even now he could see the faint green glow of energy radiating from his hands, trying to catch his words and shape them into whate he was asking for. At school he didn't always need it three times. He could feel the energy building in his gut like a tidal wave and crashing over him when he wished the bullies would leave him alone, or that he'd actually gotten a good grade so Mary wouldn't yell at him, or that the shirt that got torn up and bloody was clean so Frank wouldn't hit him for wasting good clothes.

Now, though, the words didn't seem to catch, and after a moment of held breath, the energy faded back, leaving behind only the briefest flash of sparks and static that he had to shake out of his hands. Apparently even magic, or whatever this was, couldn't help him.

It was a stupid wish, anyway, Tommy realized as he pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. And then, of course, he flinched at the sound of a breaking plate. They were getting bad tonight. He didn't want to be alone, not with them shouting like that. Sometimes it turned into Frank driving off to drink. Sometimes Mary stormed to their room and locked the door, leaving Frank on the couch. The former tended to mean Frank not coming home at all that night, and when he did the next day he smelled like booze and some other woman's perfume. The latter tended to mean Tommy couldn't sneak some breakfast in the kitchen before school, or being caught if he tried and he really didn't want to be on the receiving end of Frank's belt.

“Dammit. All I wanted was someone to talk to.”

He feels the rush of power even as he feels his body go limp and the world go dark around him. It’s a strange mix between a sneeze and passing out. When the sensation passes things are weird. For one thing, he can’t feel his body. There isn’t the cold of his room or the rough drag of his scratchy wool sweater that is too small for him or even the gnawing in his belly. No, there is just the swelling feeling of his magic, a prickly energy across his skin, and this place.

This new place is nicer than his room. There is more space. There are nerdy decorations on the wall. There are no cracks anywhere or dents from fists or broken furniture. He hates seeing how much nicer this place is than his home. But he is more interested in why his magic brought him here. And in the soft green light everything around him seems bathed in. Tommy raises his hand, or maybe just the concept of a hand, and is faced with the scary truth. His whole body is green and transparent. Okay. That is a bit weirder than normal.

Welcome, Tommy Shepherd, to the world of astral projection. And Billy Kaplan? Meet the strange, glowing ghostly boy in your room.

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From:

doubled_speed

Tommy shrugs. His answer is simple. Because Mary and Frank suck. A lot. But Tommy really doesn't care.

Instead he reaches out to touch Billy briefly, just to revel in that brief warmth and comfort of touching Billy's energy.

"Well, probably best not to mess that up, right? Better not to make her feel awkward."

From:

wearingthestars

It makes Billy shiver again, but he smiles, welcoming the pseudo touch, even if he can't feel it the same way Tommy seems to.

"She said it wasn't that uncommon of a thing for teenagers to think about some times, whether they're happy with their home life or not. But yeah, I probably won't bring it up again unless I can find some kind of proof." His ghost twin wouldn't quite do the trick.

"I can try and do some research though."

From:

doubled_speed

Nah, that doesn't make sense. He waves the suggestion off and instead points a finger at Billy.

"Last time, you said something about people giving you grief at school. I wanna know about that tonight."

From:

wearingthestars

That takes Billy by surprise, at least briefly, cheeks going pink, and he starts to shrug it off. He reconsiders though. If he wants Tommy to share and trust then he has to be willing to do the same, right?

"It's just this guy, and his friends. It's not that serious."

From:

doubled_speed

"I don't believe you," Tommy answers, and he doesn't sound amused. Because he can see it all around them. It's worse than that, and he knows it. And he figures Billy takes it. Because he knows he does.

Too afraid of what his parents will do if he doesn't. Too scared and too hungry and too neglected. Look at him, just like Billy, but leaner. Clearly, for a guy that is otherwise identical ~~beyond the transparency and green glow~~ to Billy, he's too lean.

From:

wearingthestars

It's fair. Billy frowns and sighs. "It's...not nothing. I guess. I dunno. I was one of their favourite target for a while. And then I figured out how to avoid them, mostly, memorizing their schedules and hang outs and stuff. Sometimes they'd still find me, but now they can't really catch me, so..." So other kids are taking his place. Not exactly the hero archetype he was hoping to embody.

From:

doubled_speed

"You're smarter than me. I've never learned when to back down. Except with Frank and Mary."

Because they controlled his access to regular food. Which clearly he should care about. Tommy pulls a leg up to his chest, paralleling the position he was in inside his closet.

"You telling adults this is happening? Don't want this blowing back on you later with people saying you started it or something."

From:

wearingthestars

Billy's not sure he ever really learned when to stand his ground, and his lips twitch a little into a wistful sort of smile, glancing up again at the small glimpses he gets into Tommy's world.

He shakes his head. "Not really. When it first started I did, but-" Billy shrugs. He got the usual sort of advice, none of it all that practical when put to use in the real world of highschool.

From:

doubled_speed

Well, take it from a high school kid who has been there, though really Tommy's approach is a BAD one. No one should ever look to him for advice.

"Don't let them win," Tommy suggests. "Isn't that what all this is about? Standing up for yourself and others who can't protect themselves?"

This, of course, refers to all of the hero paraphernalia that surrounds them, and Tommy absolutely gestures to take it all in. It'd be noble, if it wasn't nerdy.

From:

wearingthestars

Billy gives him a look, before gesturing pointedly to his very un-heroic self.

"I'm not sure how well that's gonna go." But maybe it will do something to ease the guilt he feels knowing Kesler's just moved on to terrorizing some other kids.

"If he kills me you can have my room."

From:

doubled_speed

Tommy rolls his eyes at that comment.

"And how is he going to put a hand on you if you don't want it? You don't get how much I'd give to be like you. To just be able to get away from things."

This, his wistful tone says, doesn't count.

From:

wearingthestars

"You're magic," Billy counters with a small smile, "Once you've got a handle on it you can do pretty much whatever you want, can't you?" Not that Billy really has any idea how magic works, but if it can do this it's gotta be able to do most anything else, right?

From:

doubled_speed

Not like he's researched much. He knows what few things work. The only spell that doesn't seem to require effort is coming here. He sighs and moves to lay down on Billy's floor. For half a second he seems about to phase through it, but he manages to stabilize himself and just hover there, millimeters from actually touching.

"Magic doesn't seem to be logical. It's... about feelings. Which are complicated."

After all, he hasn't sworn off them yet.

From:

wearingthestars

That half second seems longer to Billy, who moves as though he can stop him from phasing through, but of course, his steadying hand only passes through him, making him blush.

"Generally," he agrees, moving instead to lay beside him, resting his cheek on his palm. "You seem to be doing all right with it so far. What else can you do?"

From:

doubled_speed

Damn, that hand is a lot more contact that Tommy was expecting and his intangible form glows brighter for the contact. That's... weird. And it leaves a warm feeling all the way down to his toes. Strange, beyond fucking strange. But Tommy doesn't know if it's Billy that does it, or something else entirely.

"Get extra lunch at school. Get people to forget that they were looking for me. Fix test grades."

Yes, he knows it's definitely an abuse of power. But those quick abuses say something too. This wasn't a hero. This was a kid who was protecting himself the best he could.

From:

wearingthestars

Oh. The brighter glow gives Billy pause, unsure if it's a good or bad thing.

"Handy," he remarks, knowing they maybe aren't the most noble uses of that sort of power, but it's not as though he can blame him. And things like that...all seem like things Tommy could use more of. The lunch especially. "...You think you could come here for real someday?"

From:

doubled_speed

"No," Tommy answers immediately. "If it's another universe, I'm not going to actually hop between them, you know?"

And if it's not... well, Billy said he lived in NYC. He's never going to get to go there. Not until he's free of his parents at least. And that's years away. Unless he runs away. Which... he's too afraid to do. As terrible as they are, Frank and Mary are the only thing he has.

From:

wearingthestars

"...Right," Billy nods, letting the unspoken what if it's not another universe go on being unspoken. "Makes sense. Could get stuck here." Which maybe might not be so bad. Mom and Dad would taken him in. The both of them would have someone to talk to...

From:

doubled_speed

There would be definite legal issues with that, Billy. Massive, glaring legal issues. Practically kidnapping.

"No offense, as nice as your room looks, hardly seems suitable to just be trapped in these four walls forever."

Forever is a long time. Probably like, a week or something. Still, Tommy stays lying there, looking up at the ceiling.

"But a pet ghost could be useful. You said you had brothers. I could scare them for you."

That was what brothers did, right? Tommy doesn't even know. After a moment his eyes cast toward Billy, the greenest and brightest part of him. In part it's because of green magic mimicking his actual green color. Most of it is that his magic spills easily from his eyes.

"I'm going to ask you something super fucking weird, okay?"

From:

wearingthestars

That's not the kind of logic he wants to hear about, shh. Something bad is happening to Tommy. If he can imagine taking him away from that he's not going to let logistics stop him.

He snorts softly. "Yeah? You and me against the twins?"

He pauses then and gives a slow nod. As though anything could be weirder than all this. "Go for it."

From:

doubled_speed

Tommy squirms a little, trying to decide if this was even something worth saying. Of course, he hasn't decided yet whether Billy is even real or not. Whether this might be dream or not. Or another universe. So really, it's a safe thing to bring up, it has to be.

"Do you believe in soul-mates?"

And if there is a touch of fear, and true vulnerability in his voice as he asks it, Tommy will deny it forever.

From:

wearingthestars

"Soul mates?" There's a brief pause, but for Billy it's longer, giving the question real thought when faced with such vulnerability from the other. Finally he gives a soft nod.

"...Yeah, I like to think so. Is that- is that what you think we are?"

From:

doubled_speed

"I..." Tommy sighs and his fingers card through ethereal hair. Back home he'd hate himself for ever letting the words slip past his lips. Here, like this, with Billy? Somehow it feels okay. Safe even. "I don't know. I mean, you're the only person I see when I'm like this. You could be a dream. Or a delusion. But when I try and touch you? I don't know, I feel... Weird. Like I've always been aching, and the pain's suddenly gone. Platonic, though. Pretty as I am, I'm not the 'I'd fuck my clone' type."

Not that he has anything negative to say about Billy being, well, a guy. Just the whole narcissism gone too far thing. And he looks embarrassed as hell, slipping just a bit closer to the floor like he's going to fall through it. What teen who just said something stupid hadn't wished they could do something like that?

From:

wearingthestars

Billy's brow softens, and once Tommy's fingers have dropped away from his hair Billy's lays his hand over Tommy's, as though meaning to hold it.

"Platonic," he agrees, cheeks flush, wondering if their preferences are the same. They haven't really touched on that yet. He hopes the touch will stop Tommy's slipping away. "I get it. I didn't...know what was missing until you were gone."

From:

doubled_speed

The touch actually does seem to anchor Tommy some, with how his light is stronger, maybe his form a touch less transparent. But the look on his face is vaguely distrusting. He’s so used to being mocked.

"No way you missed me, Billy-boy. You just needed someone to talk to too, right?"